DeltaDawn

Pathways

2011-02-08T17:29:00.001-06:00

Sifting through thoughts,

pulling the ache through searing veins

Emotional addict

Internal Mantra flowing and ebbing brooks within

Numbly, or so I seem, flashing life abstractly through my mind

I keep the pace of scattered images so quick,

enabling the power of their impact

To shift away to the next, just in time

Barely in time, stopping the bite of bitter or sweet

Self induced solitary confinement with steely resolve

Doors, paths, hearts Opening wide

Closing Hard

Space

2011-02-04T14:28:00.002-06:00

It's almost embarrassing the way this is such a public journal
But, though I've been told how wrong it is, I find the need to do this.
To shoot words into the ether, and see responses, other thoughts
and sometimes the endless silence.

Space has so many meanings,
the measure of dimensions available in a house,
the infinite Universe/Galaxies and all we can't perceive,
though we try and achieve answers with exploration,
that in their revelation create more Space to ponder.
So many meanings within a relationship or relationships as well.

And it's that Space I'd like to write my thoughts on, maybe to work out my very powerful anger today, or possibly work out the resolution that is so obvious, however Writhing Emotions evades it's destiny.

These are my concepts of Space, I can't claim that I might be wrong...
since the sense of that is so relative to each individual and then the combining of individuals together. Making each individual connection and relation to one another a whole new concept to juggle as far as Space is concerned.

Ok, enough with the rationalizing my needs and concepts of Space,
it's Time to List what at this moment in time it means to me.
Because as I so well know, Space means something different when mixed with varying personalities and in changes of self, which occur constantly.

Space, a 3D Rambling and Shelving of things

I'm a very complicated person, and tend to need alot of private time.
Communication is maybe the most important characteristic in relationships of all types, but so difficult to achieve.

Because of many things, number one being that I"m for all intents deaf.
I wasn't born that way, sometimes I wonder if that would have been easier, but verbal communication is a chore for those that need to say something to me.
But in that handicap I've overdeveloped my already very strong intuitive side.

I don't want to go all Creepy Meta-physical with this, and freak any possible readers out, but I've seen things before they happen.
Know what's coming through whatever sense it is that I was born with, read people instantly, then make huge mistakes because I don't want to be judgmental, so I give them benefits of the doubt that so far...I always regret.

My tuning fork, I always give credit to my Cherokee/Gypsy ancestors, on one side the Indians and the other the Gypsy, though my Great Grandmother would seethe with anger if she ever heard that word in relation to her, she was from the Gypsy land and they did uproot and travel here, and then traveled many times once in this "Land of Opportunity", which ended up being Land of Poverty instead.

With the loss of my hearing, all of those aspects/instincts came in very handy at trying to appear to be a hearing person. It actually made me seem dense, less intelligent than others, because the hearing world doesn't quite get why I'd start talking about something that is so off subject from what is being said, or why I'm laughing, when the conversation had turned serious...
well, I've lot's of funny stories about that, but I think I did a fair job

Back to the communication coupled with Space
Being as introverted as I am, I need to look inward when others are talking to me,
I need to see the meaning within, jockey the incoming information with my concepts
Challenge my thoughts...how do those fit with what I've believed, could I stretch my thoughts out and find a new concept or belief from what I'm hearing and expand/alter my set of philosophical concepts?
Am I wrong, how wrong,
Am I looking to be wrong to avoid confrontation
How much of what I'm hearing and withstanding, attack wise that is self flagellation?
Complicated constant inner struggles make really talking to me, either very rewarding for the parties involved, or very ugly.

But here's the thing...I HAVE TO watch them talk to comprehend their words
Which for me invades my space, and also causes a really Dark problem
Body Language
Man...No Hearing person seems to understand what that is to a Deaf person
Every twitch of your body, grimace, eye roll, sigh
Shift of anything is being read into
and to top that off, my instincts are so honed in
I can't stand to hear and look when it's with those that are filling the Communication Space
With Anger, Manipulation, Ulterior Motives, etc...

So
Space is Leaving when I see that Anger is the only end result

That's a BIG one for me...Please Go Away...Calm Down
Think about what you are doing, what I'm doing, where the Anger or Strong difficult emotions came in
Then come back calm, with thoughts and philosophies realigned and try again

What is so hard about that????
I just don't understand why that's so difficult
Is it a Female thing?
Most men honor that, maybe I'm more Manly then I look?

Space means so many things to me
but that Space...
the Space to separate from Negative Communication
So you can look at it from all sides
Better yourself by opening up to it
Grow from mentally examining it from all angles
Is probably the most important secret to a relationship with me.
Too bad that's the one thing I can't seem to get

UGH GRRRR

2011-01-29T23:29:00.002-06:00

Oh the things I see
Deaf
a Dirty word
A Silent Condemnation

What started Beautiful
Ended
I'm a Bitch

Maybe I am
I don't mean to be
I tried all day to be there
ugh
ugh
ugh

I stayed
Though leaving felt right

I'm now a bitch for escaping
I needed time to think
ugh
ugh
ugh

I guess I'm apiece of ...
lousy human being

So Sad
so Very, Very Sad

Should have stood strong
and now

I'm a Bitch
Damn
that hurts
Bitch!!!!!

Sum me up to that
Come on
sorry

Cant get past that
Word

Bitch

Guess
That's Me

Queen of Hearts

2011-01-26T18:50:00.003-06:00

Just in case I worried anyone
I did go to the ER

Everything went very bad after my last post and
my fear battled my stubbornness
and the Fear won

I'm all black and blue
with such great veins I wonder why it's so hard to put an IV in me
It's just unreal....can't they see the half inch blue running up and down and all over
One thing I've always had were the veins of a body builder
Blue strong roads to the crazy blood that flows it's odd way thru my body

Of course they kept me overnight,
ran so many tests
blood every hour
EKG, heart rate, oxygen
Ya know the works

And finally released me from the Hell of that overly white and sterile vacation
So I'm home,
but...

I miss you my friends!!!! So much
But
I'm just not ready for Facebook yet

My minds muddied and I'm fighting inner and outer Demons
I feel I need you all
But, I know I need to be with me for now

Figure out where the Pathways lie
Take back my soul from it's unsettled distractions
Find Me, somewhere
Till I'm strong enough
Of Dreamy Mind and Loving Heart
Where the sound of all that's wild and untamed
Brooks and Rivers
Mountains and Trees
The Raw
The Art in the Chaos
Attune within my Fragile Breast

For now, I'm only online to blog when
The Shapes that haunt me fall away
But I'll be back

I feel great Love towards you
My Friends I've never met
and in that invisible web we've found
You are a Beauty
A Shining light of proof
That in the darkest hours
In the years of escapism
Through so much we've all encountered
Friends are the most Precious gift of all

Great Love, and Hugs and smiles
I'll send you laughs when I find my smile
Know you are in my heart
My mind
Hugs

And My Shadow
Thank You for your comment~~~
I will get that screaming out a bit
Will follow the words said and those between the lines
Your friend
3D

Thump Thump Thump

2011-01-23T17:34:00.002-06:00

I'm laying here in fear
My heart is beating so fast and irregular
Why am I debating the trip to the ER?
Should I just go?

Am I afraid of the answers I may finally get,
or is this a panic attack

ugh, my hands are too weak to write want I want
I'll come back to all these thoughts later

A Time for Beginings A Time for Endings

2011-01-20T18:42:00.003-06:00

Why am I seeing so many parallels?

Is it that time?

The time for remembering, time for cutting and burning?

Time for telling the tale at last

Tale?

Hmm, bitter and frightened groan, ha…

Tales is more like it

Life time of so many tales

And I feel as if my life is about spent

It feels so unfair..so very unfair

I said I’d start…

will this be the beginning of my mental end?

Does it matter?

My End..

prolonged for so many years,

maybe back to the very beginning of my existence

Well the tales will have to wait a bit longer

Hopefully I can find my way out of the dark...

or through the dark I can find what I’ve spent my life running from

Monsters

Demons

Invisibility

Obscurity

Black to Black and Back

2011-01-16T17:05:00.003-06:00

Tears keep falling

How do I find the words?

Where is the Light out of the Darkness?

I'm so angry, disappointed, angry, hurt, angry, hurt

ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need to find the way out of I

I this
I that
I is becoming a dirty word

3rd person would help if I could just get out of the I in things

Can someone who loves you......Me.....
Drive me to
oh never-mind that one...I for sure know that answer

In the darkness of where she's trying to lead me
I see the reason
and I really don't appreciate it
It's selfish

Black Black Twisted Eyes
Twisted us all
Can't walk in the room without seeing the twisting in the face of my Mom

What makes anyone think I need more twisting?

More like Un-Twisting
De-tangling and Beauty
Peals of Laughter I could not find till nearly 30

Smiles I've only recently learned

It's not the revelation it's the desire to pull me out of my Dreamer
When I'm seeking that to persevere that I resent

Black..Black Eyes of the Sociopath that raised me
You really think I need to relive that?
Really?

Just so I can stop being a sensual Dreamer?
That feels so sick to me

Feels like a Demolition Ball Cracking every essence of me

Black, Black Eyes
I'll only see in Nightmares

Go Away Little Child in Me
Go Away

*Afterthought:
What is it about me
That makes so many feel
They must erase me
To feel Whole?

I ponder that always

Something about who I am
is too much or not enough
or something....
and the more you remove me from Me
The greater desire to continue that battle
It must be so powerful
it keeps happening

Can't they see?
You only make me go Deeper
Down into the almost Blackness of the Sea
Far away and cold/safe
Maybe not safe
but numb

Till I can't find me...in my efforts to hide that self it seems you want to destroy

I am masterful at this..
don't they know?
I've been hiding and surviving since 2 1/2
Since the Monster married my mother
Since Nightmares were preferred over reality

Erased: hmmm: Yea I know it would be easier
But to survive a Sociopath you have to be crafty
You have to swim till nothing but the cold blackness
is what they'll find

Beyond The Sharks
Till the Sea is only Death
That No One can find

Rationally, I know I'm stinging and punching, you know the emotional punch
Words said that silence prying and painful things
The Guilt I feel for being me
It lives and breathes
way down deep away from even my eyes

I guess the Struggle out of the Blackness of me
Will take so much more strength
Then I thought

Can I find enough Love of Self
Un-Anchor my Death
Till Light and Shimmering Fairy's of Life
Breath Beauty back into my Tattered Self?

Log to Self: Musings of Musings

2011-01-12T19:40:00.002-06:00

Out of the Coverlet and into a Fire
Well....Fire isn't exactly the adj. more like into the World
Not that firey and lovely enrapturing of Passion
More like the cotton stuffed into your ears and a
hmmmm
Hang Over
w/o the fun

A Day
Important and filled with Mundane
but a day, my day
out from under the Blanket of Death
Maybe into it
I'm unsure
but a Day nevertheless

Ending in Anger
What's wrong with my heart?
Can I get a care? an answer?
I'm so young next to all the patients
Does No one wonder why my EKG looks like this

I'm very depressed this night
My mother has
in her broken and cluelessness
let me know,.....she needs me to be her Mom still
I won't
Will NOT be all of your Mother's anymore
so get used to it
I'm your daughter/sister/friend
The Shadow is overtaking me again
CAn I find the strength?
My heart hurts..I know my life is borrowed

You must find the Me somewhere other than the Rescue Aid Society of Me
I need Rescuing
which I'll never get
Don't ask of me
Don't demand of me a Song
to render you healed
while I lie thrashing

I can say no more
my pain is suffocating me
and my heart is a traitor
into the bottle of potions
into the flight of the eagle
into the arms of night I fly
Fly
Fly

Aint No Mountain Hi Enough

2011-01-12T12:57:00.002-06:00

Waking up takes such effort
Perhaps because sleep comes so rarely and disturbed.
I long to open my eyes to something of beauty, hope, peace
And Up the Mountain of filth and dysfunction I climb.
The pace is slow today
The hurt and complete sense of Aloneness
nearly paralyzes me into the death slumber of the past years

But Aint no Mountain Hi Enough
Nor Family Low
Nor situation Tough Enough
To keep me away from Me!

My wish is that my next words here
are filled with just a bit less bitter Byte
Cheers
or
Cheer Up
3D

Dreamer's Break Out of her Cracked Shell

2011-01-11T19:38:00.002-06:00

Three Years
Has it been more?
Lost in a Sea, My Drowning and shallow Breath
Struggles to find the Shore
A shore of Beauty

Have I really lain in bed for 3 years?
The Heart I have
Smothered and Dark
Seeking it's light before the Damage ceases it forever.

I hope only those that find me here
1.Are Strangers that read my musings
2. Know me and are not looking for ways to use my words and twist them in judgment

So heavy is the Blanket pulled over my my mind
I thought it was to keep me warm, buffer me from the cruelty
This once dreamers heart ,found too fragile to bear.
Disguised in protection the heavy coverlet has wrapped me so tightly away from me
and It's time to shed it's warmth
Cold and Shadows may follow
Light and Life
Whispers of things only found in nightmares
or my past
Sonnets of Soaring Heights.
Whatever the Exposure
I'm Naked to receive.

Fear is so close,
and the darkness is always a tear away
But, with any luck
I"ve found a doorway out of my depression
and If not, I'll find it
At-least I now Know
A Doorway is somewhere
Even when I knock my body in the walls of my mind
with the eyes of the Dragon fly
The Door is near
3D

Dreams

2010-08-11T17:39:00.003-05:00

Lately I've been having dreams that were recurring nightmares as a very young child.

And I've been watching the new show "The Gates"
One of the characters is a succubus

Well as I followed that link, some of the descriptions reminded me of some Child Sleep happenings
And I wondered if some event has caused these Dreams to resurface.

Specifically the

Qarinah

Also the description of possible encounters, where Sleep Paralysis is discussed

I really would like to undergo some type of hypnosis
If only to better understand what actually happened during those Black out Years of my Childhood

More about Robbie Williams

2008-12-16T15:34:00.004-06:00

OK, I am posting a link to a pretty good bio.
This guy is interesting.
I don't always like the songs
but videos are worth the listen.
Actually, most of the videos
Although quite graphic and sexually explicit,
(Which of course I am always a fan of that)
They are original and do their job of
Causing reaction
The good and bad

I love them, sometimes they disturb me,
Somethings are hard to watch,
but mostly, I am ecstatic that I was able to stumble upon this amazing
( chuckling on those terms)
and incredibly risque artist
Max stars for him

http://www.robbiewilliamsfans.com/discography.html

Love this Guy, he is out there. Robbie Williams "radio"

2008-12-16T15:12:00.000-06:00

Why do I

2008-12-16T11:49:00.002-06:00

I'm having a giggle at the probability

that I might be the only one looking at my blog.

It is all good.So,

I'll talk to myself a little more.

Full chuckle now.

MC Solaar is just the top of my list.

I am not into rap much, but in french,

wee wee

Love It.

And then the artistic European video

Wow, mouth watering visuals.
The combination of the arts is mesmerising.

Since I am talking to myself,

I would like to tell myself

to checkout the other videos.

HEE HEE

Ok another one I love.

2008-12-16T11:42:00.000-06:00

Love This Artist....MC Solar - Solaar Pleure

2008-12-16T11:22:00.001-06:00

Blogger Poker Tourney Day 1

2008-12-15T17:40:00.002-06:00

Well, it was Omaha hi today, there were 10k entrants and the action was fast.
Took it slow, waiting for flush hands and made some big pots.
Lost some big pots,
Won them back
and then...
Stupid last minute call on a flush hand with a cold river.
BRRRR
Still freezing from that.
I placed 82 missing the ticket by 10.
Stupid moves late are beyond ignorant.
Next time tomorrow, HoldEm
Smarter and luckier I hope.

Great table full of bloggers
They make the most interesting
and fun
Players.

Today in the no Poker day

2008-12-14T23:03:00.002-06:00

Well, I signed up for a freeroll Omaha H/L
Unfortunately mid game the Cowboys were starting their game.
I made a good push, got some money and sat out the rest of the time.
10,000 players, I ended 792 without being there.
I like...
Wink
Cowboys ruled over the Giants,
Good Day

And my back, talk,
Well started out really bad,
But 28 ibuprofen later
I had enough relief to clear my head.

Time to meditate.
Have great night.

Poker Talk

2008-12-14T12:18:00.002-06:00

Ok, Today no more back talk!!!
Big Smile

What I would like to do is explain the poker ad.
I have been enjoying this site and within a week was able to win a spot after beating nearly 10,000 other players.
The best part, it was a freeroll.
I then was able to place in a tournament for cash, decent amount too.

Well, if anyone wants to check it out click the link.
I have tried several, and I will critique them later, but so far Poker Stars ROCKS.

Updateds and info to follow.
Peace

My achey, breaky, back, heart and Mind

2008-12-11T19:59:00.000-06:00

OH, the mighty fear and pain. It is swallowing me whole.
I went for an injection in my back, one that was supposed to give me more mobility.
I now can’t even stand up.
All the aspirations of the gym,
going out,
wearing high heels,
dancing.
Gone.
Oh, the independent me is falling apart.
I am sobbing in frustration.
I lost my friend, the only one who ever talked to me like Haus.
Said I was smothering.
I was just talking, communicating for the first time in years.
Not a friend, better to know earlier than later.
Makes the loneliness even harder to cope with.

Reasons for GAY Marriage

2008-10-25T00:21:00.000-05:00

It is beyond amazing,
the touch that the human spirit is fated towards,
when the path permits.

I have had an incredibly transitional year,
existence,
maybe many lives.

As the darkness descends,
I feel the hopelessness
and become absorbed
in the journey of survival.

It is in the power of destiny
that I relish the opportunity to participate.

I have been reduced
to making a living in the strangest ways
and I replied to an ad for some free things,
talked to what I sensed
was a gay man with something to hide.

I felt some strange energy from this guy,
something askew,
but I decided to make the trip.

He told me many things,
I thought I heard that someone had died,
he needed everything gone immediately
and maybe he said that he was taking a bus,
but my deaf ears
were lost to his soft and desperate voice.

With my understanding of sounds,
he could have said anything
other than what I gleaned
and with suspicion
I weighed the risk.

Through obstacles
I arrived at a very nice house
with a for lease sign,
out comes a young and anxious man,
grateful
and lost.

His eyes burned of pain
and his lips were chapped
and bruised from biting them.

He needed money for a Budget Suites
or someplace cheap
and was willing
to take anything
for the few things
crammed into the one car garage.

He asked for two or three hundred,
but I have nothing,
been living in a campground.

I had $23.00 dollars to my name
and he said he would take it.
Mom put $20.00 dollars with mine.

He explained that his lover (male) had died of AIDS and left no will.
The family came in and took everything,
he didn’t know how to handle the police and group of greedy relations,
so he let them take his life,
his lover’s,
his grief and loss,
and turn it into a circus
that he had no strength to muster a fight.

Tears were in his eyes,
and I didn’t know until later
he said he would hug us if he knew us better.

I think that meant he has the same sickness.
I wish my ears could have heard….
I would have embraced him with all the strength in my body.

His eyes and loss are haunting me.
I didn’t want to take anything,
but he insisted these things needed to go,
while not wanting to be present.

I can only imagine
what thoughts of his destiny
must have been in his heart.

I can’t get the desperate look of his face out of my mind.

I told him I’d look for help for him.

This is my effort to reach out for him.

He has nowhere to stay,
no time to grieve;
he is trying to survive what is left of his life.

I could write a book from the look in his eyes,
the smell of his desperation
and the energy of his being.

I will look for AID for him.

I only hope it isn’t too late.

Chimp Chump

2008-10-14T23:46:00.001-05:00

Oh, How it hurts,

Life

Without you,

You think the same separateness as I,

Feel the whole,

Just a little

And the now

Too much.

I can’t breathe,

Thinking our whole has

Become some

Stinking thing

Breathe the health

In acrid air

Smells of life

Fumigate emotional stench

Apart we seem to be

But how I love you

Till the pain of yours

Has become me.

Sisters, we cannot change

Changing dollars to sense

Delve into your pocket

That is the change.

Ring a ding ding,

Help in a punch

Punch me

You

I travel the solemn path

The tracks

Chug the brew

Down the hatch

Drinking you

Happy in the Gloomy

2008-09-08T23:37:00.002-05:00

I had a visit from a friend,
it's been so long.
This dear and slightly mischievous soul,
Brought gifts,
Laughs, I desperately needed,
Views and viewpoints,
More in sync with mine, for once,
Hmmm, maybe the in sync was a hidden given?
Something juicy to sink my lips into.
And it was Oh So Good...
And somethings for this rainy day.
I especially enjoyed,
Euthanasia,
Thanks Friend!!!

Changes

2008-08-13T21:28:00.001-05:00

Many changes are underway
some at record speed

I had an accident in March
and another 2 weeks ago

Hearing aids are gone
so silence like never before
has swallowed me whole

Back to the campgrounds I go
Penniless and multi-handicapped

I now have 3 dogs,
Ayla, my forever faithful
Her big beautiful mate, Rococo
and their pup ChiChai
5 new pups ever adorable

The campgrounds will not be loving this.

There is a dark impending,
live under a bridge gloom,
Shadowing the future,
Fees without funds should be interesting.

But as always,
I work to embrace
The return path
And the hope
for a better outcome.

Mirror, Mirror

2007-09-01T22:59:00.001-05:00

Was I born,

With lips downturned?

Or is this but a mirror

Of my life’s

event?

I looked, and looked

And with great effort

With great strain

Lips went up.

Nostalgia

Remembers my Great-Grandpa’s words

It takes more effort to frown than smile.

I think I am an anomoly

A force of agony,

Much like the meaning of my name…

Pain

It is a struggle to lift my lips

Turn the feelings into a smile

My eyes,

Penetrating,

Searing

Scythes.

Yet, only in

Effort,

Can these lips

Crack that smile

I have evaded capture in the mirrors eye

For so long that U’d believe my lies

Lies, I swore I’d never tell

Tales,amidst the scandalous lair

It is in the mirror

This journey begins

With lips tuned down

And life a frown

I watch and capture

The glimpse of me

A me

Not the real

But the

Cocoon

About to be birthed

A me

Born to be,

Frightening,

This fraught me.

And now I sell

My lifes wares

On the road

To distant Fairs

With great regret

And somber

Chest swell

I’ll make this mile

These miles

All miles

A swell

Sail.

Crashed

2007-08-30T17:48:00.000-05:00

Well a hard drive and CPU
Burned

Mind and heart
disabled

slit wrist
past

and I am tentatively
Back

I have no contact info.
on Anyone

or myself

I live in a musty, dark closet
on campus...

no one knows....
shhhhh

I hope all are healthy and prospering

Love to those whom know their status

My new puppy

2007-03-16T23:07:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the Disappearing Act

2007-03-16T23:03:00.000-05:00

I have been paged and THANKS!!!
In between two sculpting classes that are taking up all of my free time I am also engrossed in Government and Web Design. Family and woes have kept me in a dark cave, silenced in my hiding.
Also, my blog page made me redo it and in the frustration of another task piled on my very full plate, disgust has kept me away. I have lost all of my links to my friends that were on this page, so in helping me sort through, could you resend them to me. Please.
Over and OUT.

Execution, Corrupting, Youth

2006-10-12T22:41:00.000-05:00

The fell cast of youth...

Breath of death
And tenseness yet

I hear a thug in innocent’s breast
A sad and frightening tune
Of Snoop and those soon
Was life as this?

OK Ray,
Speak up
Sp fo;;ed with

Murder
And
Thus

Your mother’s trek through
Crack death

A mirror
Fondled, deftly
In death

Follow, Follow

The cracked Yellow road

Until, the slippers
Slip the fingers
Upon the white endless road

A trailor’ed trek
Branded so

Ink and needles

Pin and prick

A forever slog through

An inhumanity foils.

The Sum of Nothing

2006-10-12T22:22:00.001-05:00

Pully-Come
Pull-Ye
Sum
Like a dense substance,
Hovering in power
A full throttle
Hours of verbal
Soured
Scour
In light of the din midst
A seldom and sustained
Flower
Of hours
Gone sour
Wrinkled brows of hate
Your blood but a stake
Words you hope
In tense
Grow flowers
Flower child
Hopeful
In your dense midst
Mist-full plume
Angered brow
How dense the sour

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

2006-10-11T19:49:00.000-05:00

Well, for all those,
Wait a minute...
That's presumptuous...
Like there is an "all those"
Ok, so Blogger offered a new and improved experience,
Which made me wipe out my page....
So now, I have to re-work the whole thing.
That's between 6 classes at school,
Bookkeeping for various business',
Transferring titles
EBay picture taking, ad writing and selling of cars for different entities
and too many other things to name.
So, I'm going to be without the frills for a bit.
EXCUSE THE MESS!!!

Timing Can Be Everything

2006-10-06T09:12:00.000-05:00

October 6, 2006
Where You Need To Be
Timing Can Be Everything

Since human timetables quite often do not correspond with universal timetables,

it's common for people to feel that life is progressing too slowly or too quickly.

We draft carefully composed plans only to find that they fall into place when we least expect.

Or, conversely,

we are thrust into roles we believe we are not prepared for

and wonder how we will survive the demands imposed upon us by unfamiliar circumstances.

When delays in our progress kindle pangs of disappointment within us

or the pace of life seems overwhelming,

peace can be found in the simple fact that we are exactly where we need to be at this moment.

Every person fulfills their purpose when the time is right.

If you have fast-tracked to success,

you may become deeply frustrated if you discover you can no longer satisfy your desires

as quickly as you might like.

Yet the delays that disappoint you may be laying the foundation for future accomplishments

that you have not yet conceived.

Or the universe may have plans for you

that differ from the worldly aspirations you have pursued up until this point.

What you deem a postponement of progress

may actually represent an auspicious opportunity to prepare for what is yet to come.

If, however, you feel as though the universe is pushing you forward at too fast a clip,

you may be unwittingly resisting your destiny.

Your unease regarding the speed of your progress

could be a sign that you need to cultivate awareness within yourself

and learn to move with the flow of fate rather than against it.

The universe puts nothing in your path that you are incapable of handling,

so you can rest assured that you are ready to grow into your new situation.

You may feel compelled to judge your personal success using your age,

your professional position,

your level of education,

or the accomplishments of your peers as a yardstick.

Yet we all enjoy the major milestones in our lives at the appropriate time-

some realize their dreams as youngsters

while others flourish only in old age.

If you take pride in your many accomplishments

and make the most of every circumstance in which you find yourself,

your time will come.

Daily OM
http://www.dailyom.com/

Invitation to the Mud Pile

2006-09-30T17:56:00.000-05:00

In the south, the rain comes
Like breakfast’s call
And the grown-ups frown is our joy,
Mud-pies
Mud-piles
The glee upon our darkened faces,
Cannot compete with our childish hearts.
The gathering of friends
Both true and not
Is beyond the adult functions
Of whither
And not
Our happy faces
Bequeathed to none
Simple grace
Without the sun
I gather dirt within my hand
As others
Follow with swallowed land
Giggles are the gift come nigh
Swallowed gulps of freedom
Lie
I sit inside this puddle of mud
Remembering the past
Both
Yea and Nae
Alone with mud piles
Sunk alone
Remembering pasts
With struggling horn
Come hither friends
Enjoy the mud
Squish between your toes
Press upon
Throw it out
Oh.
I forgot
We’re all grown up.

"To everything there is a season..."

2006-09-28T14:15:00.000-05:00

I'll start out by saying that I spent a tremendous amount of time on this.
I have a hard time doing "funny".
Maybe because I am a serious person,
or that I am troubled by the world we live in.
I chose the idiom "To everything there is a season..."
It is both a direct quote from the bible

To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
a time of war, and a time of peace. ______________________________________________________________________________________and a famous song.

To every thing,
turn, turn, turn
There is a season,
turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose
under heaven
A time to be born,
a time to die
A time to plant,
a time to reap
A time to kill,
a time to heal
A time to laugh,
a time to weep

To everything,
turn, turn, turn
There is a season,
turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose
under heaven

A time to build up,
a time to break down
A time to dance,
a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones
A time to gather stones together

To everything,
turn, turn, turn
There is a season,
turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose
under heaven

A time of love,
a time of hate
A time of war,
a time of peace
A time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracing

To everything,
turn, turn, turn
There is a season,
turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose
under heaven

A time to gain,
a time to lose
A time to rend,
a time to sew
A time to love,
a time to hate
A time for peace,
I swear it's not too late

While working on this I tried to show the good and the bad,
starting with a calendar background
and then an image taken by my brother on an airplane,
so that the backdrop was of the heavens.
Each segment is representing the astrological sign for the month,
the seasonal weather
and a good/bad caste.
Because so many layers were involved,
the end result is somewhat disappointing.
I had to reduce so much that I feel my message seems lost.
Still it was a very rewarding experience
that I will use for painting concepts.
This idiom project helped me to find the beauty
in the overwhelming ugliness
that pounds us through the media.

Idiom Complete

2006-09-28T14:08:00.000-05:00

My Idiom Project Part 9 of 12

2006-09-11T15:52:00.000-05:00

Thumbalina

2006-09-11T09:45:00.000-05:00

My Idiom Project Part 2 of 12

2006-09-10T09:11:00.000-05:00

My Idiom Project Part 8 of 12

2006-09-10T09:10:00.000-05:00

My Idiom Project Part 5 of 12

2006-09-10T09:04:00.000-05:00

My Idiom Project Part 4 of 12

2006-09-10T09:02:00.000-05:00

My Idiom Project Part 3 of 12

2006-09-09T15:28:00.000-05:00

My Idiom Project Part 6 of 12

2006-09-09T14:10:00.000-05:00

My Idiom Project Part 7 of 12

2006-09-09T10:09:00.000-05:00

Once

2006-09-06T16:01:00.000-05:00

At the srike of the time-keepers
Gong
Who I was
Is all but gone

Seasoned lines
And well earned gullies
Find the me now
In tick tocks
Backward
Chime

My Idiom Project Part 1 of 12

2006-09-04T10:15:00.000-05:00

What is the Idiom?
Contrasts?
Messages?

PARIAH

2006-09-02T20:36:00.000-05:00

Pariah,
We too
False-
Hood

Out
In and Out
Doors
Hearts
Spools
Cores

Found, the essence
Playground times
My Mississippi Buddy
My Pal-o-Mine

Depth so Rich
And heart Encumbered
Falling Down
Astonished
Lack of true
Sock it two

A ride upon a wooden raft
Cast
Caste
Stabled the past

Fallow is the skin of shock
Tallow,
Sallow
Not Yellow
The paste of Jello
Foreign Mask

Treble tones
Wailing sows
The Once
So Mighty
Jellied plows

I creep amongst
A Pariah Past
The one and only

Place of belonging
Dais of
Longing
Huck and Thom

Boys and Girls
A tale of tests
Cannot pass
Splendid Tales
Of suckered
Puckered
Painful
Pasts

SUCKER

2006-08-17T09:27:00.000-05:00

I learned a lesson, which my brother was amazed this street smart girl should have known.
Never show a drunk girl to the bathroom in JR's
Girl: Can you hold the door for me?
Me: Sure.
Oh my God...Becky,
She was all over me, tried to go down on me,
I am pushing and exclaiming....
I AM NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL!!!
Jeeze Louise, I had to really fight my way out of there.
When I finally found my brother,
He was giving me the "I told you so" look

Just before this episode, I got taken for ten bucks when this girl told me
she has twin girls and she left her wallet
Her friend hadn't shown up and her gas gauge was on E

Well, I guess I must have a big SUCKER
Painted on my green forhead.
What a night.

Bitter taste of Bloods Betrayal

2006-08-06T18:45:00.000-05:00

It is a grave disappointment.
One that claws heavily
With heritable daggers
Upon my emaciated breast

In nightfall you prey
Drinking blood,
Which we share

Your hollowed taunts
Told through stories
Yielded
And green, withered green
Green that has lost its springtime dance
You goad and betray

In the arms of a mother’s love
I held you,
Sick then
As now
Emptiness,
Which has no girth
Hollow words
Like dulled swords
To cut like hell upon the softened flesh
You sow

A waterfall springs forth
Though restrain screams threats
And wallow
You know
This injured
Breast

Pungent,
Is thy sickly
Breathe
Which breathes
Its breathe
On others
Brow

Many will think these words
Are bent for thee
Others mistake
The cast and see

Pulpits rise amongst our blood
And bowery’s boast our tales of woe

Foul the stench
My semblance
rise
In minds feeble
Endearing lie

Wicked you prove to be
A chance
The happenstance
I forever cast towards
The possibility

You read me as your crooked stick
Cold as arms that never held your
Unquenchable thirst

The waterfall
Could drench
The stench which
Lies alone

No more
I don’t forgive
The treachery
You lecherous
Cad

"Are We Crazy?"

2006-08-06T08:07:00.000-05:00

After several bottles of wine, my brother decides he wants to have me break out my art supplies so that he can draw.
Through grounding breakages of chalk and much laughter, we found our hands and arms covered with charcoal and pastels.
He decides it’s time to paint war masks, without forewarning he brands and swipes his art covered hands in various places.
Of course, I returned the favor…
HEHEHE
Now he is too drunk to drive, but wants more wine, so me and the other unsuspecting victim must go into the store and purchase said wine.
Lady Behind the Counter: “Oh my God, ma’m, Are you alright?”
Everyone staring in utter disgust,
Me: “Ah, I’m fine, just a little floor art fun”
Lady stares with complete despise and won’t speak to me, while customers move out of the way to give me room in case I’m CRAZY!!!
Now when we return, He is sleeping.
He went to bed as he was with a trashcan close by.
When we speak in the morning, he retells his morning events.
Starbucks Coffee Master: “Sir, are you ok?”
Brother: “Yea, Why?”
He didn’t look in the mirror before he left for his coffee.
We had such fun being silly.
The art came out really good.
Love you Bro!!!

French Quarter Light Shop Valentines 2004

2006-08-04T12:38:00.000-05:00

Photo By: Pandora and Turtle

I hope you're Smiling Down on Me, because I am looking up for YOU.

2006-08-04T11:49:00.000-05:00

Women should never talk about politics. Yea Right!!!

2006-08-03T11:59:00.000-05:00

In a recent conversation, the 9-11 topic was approached. I have very different perceptions and have researched both sides of our current Administration. With opposing political views we battled, both of us utterly stubborn and unable to budge. I still love him, my surrogate father and friend. Below is an excerpt from the site I tried to have him look at before. It took me quite some time to find, as I have had many computer crashes since the original discussion. This website is listed under my political links and their research is amazing and hard to take. I knew my friend would shoot these things down so I followed the some of the many statements through to their original source. They stand up as once reported findings, common articles, suppressed, but once VERY PUBLIC.
Although we have conflicting views, he raises valid points, through plumes of smoke and trips to the potty. Maybe we shouldn’t talk about these things, but I digress, he challenges me, as I hope, I also do him.
Here Socrates,
Do some alternate research.

September 2000
The neoconservative think tank Project for the New American Century writes a “blueprint” for the “creation of a ‘global Pax Americana’” (see also June 3, 1997). The document, titled, Rebuilding America’s Defenses: Strategies, Forces and Resources for a New Century, was written for the Bush team even before the 2000 Presidential election. It was written for future Vice President Cheney, future Defense Secretary Rumsfeld, future Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz, Florida Governor and President Bush’s brother Jeb Bush, and future Vice President Cheney’s Chief of Staff Lewis Libby. The report calls itself a “blueprint for maintaining global US preeminence, precluding the rise of a great power rival, and shaping the international security order in line with American principles and interests.” The plan shows that the Bush team intended to take military control of Persian Gulf oil whether or not Saddam Hussein was in power and should retain control of the region even if there is no threat. It says: “The United States has for decades sought to play a more permanent role in Gulf regional security. While the unresolved conflict with Iraq provides the immediate justification, the need for a substantial American force presence in the Gulf transcends the issue of the regime of Saddam Hussein.” The report calls for the control of space through a new “US Space Forces,” the political control of the internet, the subversion of any growth in political power of even close allies, and advocates “regime change” in China, North Korea, Libya, Syria, Iran and other countries. It also mentions that “advanced forms of biological warfare that can ‘target’ specific genotypes may transform biological warfare from the realm of terror to a politically useful tool.” (see also Spring 2001 and April 2001 (D)). [Sunday Herald (Glasgow), 9/7/2002; Project for the New American Century, 9/2000 ] However, the report complains that these changes are likely to take a long time, “absent some catastrophic and catalyzing event—like a new Pearl Harbor.” [Los Angeles Times, 1/12/2003] In an NBC interview at about the same time, Vice Presidential candidate Cheney defends Bush Jr.’s position of maintaining Clinton’s policy not to attack Iraq because the US should not act as though “we were an imperialist power, willy-nilly moving into capitals in that part of the world, taking down governments.” [Washington Post, 1/12/2002] This report and the Project for the New American Century generally are mostly ignored until a few weeks before the start of the Iraq war (see February-March 20, 2003).

Below is the source for this information.
Center for Cooperative Research
http://www.cooperativeresearch.org/timeline.jsp?timeline=complete_timeline_of_the_2003_invasion_of_iraq

2006-08-03T09:31:00.000-05:00

Reclaiming Your Power
Insecurity

There is an innate awkwardness to being human. With each decision we make, there is the potential for self-doubt and it is this-self doubt that forms the root of insecurity-a complex emotion that is a mix of equal parts inadequacy, isolation, fear, and hopelessness. Yet these feelings of insecurity that prevent us from fulfilling our potential by inducing us to abide by arbitrary self-limitations are nothing more than erroneous perceptions. We feel unconfident and unsure of ourselves because we judge ourselves to be so. Banishing insecurity is often simply a matter of challenging ourselves in order to prove that we are indeed intelligent and able.

By
http://www.dailyom.com/

Meeting the Madwoman by Linda Schierse Leonard

2006-08-01T15:17:00.000-05:00

Excerpt from
Autumn Sonata
By Ingmar Bergman

“A mother and a daughter-what a terrible combination of feelings and confusion and destruction! Everything is possible and everything is done in the name of love and solicitude. The mother’s injuries are to be handed down to the daughter, the mother’s disappointments are to be paid for by the daughter, the mother’s unhappiness is to be the daughter’s unhappiness. It’s as if the umbilical cord had never been cut. The daughter’s grief is the mother’s secret pleasure.”

I'm A Blogger-Maniac

2006-08-01T11:16:00.000-05:00

Well,
Today is my
PAMPER DAY

I decided to emerge,
Creature,
Fluorescent green
Sea mask,
Rosemary scented,
Oiled bath
Shaven and shorn

To wipe away the woman
Who arose all
Tattered and torn

When I am done
Last dreams,
Trickery
Will be
Undone

I'm A Mean Love Machine

2006-08-01T09:48:00.000-05:00

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy:

Your propensity for monogamy is medium.
In general, you prefer to have only one love interest.
But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long!
There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering.

Experience Level:

Your experience level is high.
You've loved, lost, and loved again.
You have had a wide range of love experiences.
And when the real thing comes along, you know it!

Dominance:

Your dominance is low.
This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced.
You know a relationship is not about getting your way.
And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom.

Cynicism:

Your cynicism is low.
You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance.
No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter.
You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate.
And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon.

Independence:

Your independence is medium.
In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time."
You usually find it easy to be part of a couple.
But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered.

The Five Variable Love Test

In Dreams, I Weep

2006-08-01T09:15:00.000-05:00

I woke with a start, shudder, and sob
Then followed through
Still

Tug-of-War Dreams
With but 2 hours sleep
Till I sit now alone

My strengthened resolve
Hands fingering
The vow

My eyes so quietly
Wet

Scenarios of DREAMS
They play so sweet and sour

Strange
How
One so surrounded by people
Can feel so alone

One mind to connect
One that shares
One that in silence’s lair
One

Meeting the demons
In my sleep

Best Dog a Girl Could Have

2006-08-01T02:28:00.000-05:00

2006-08-01T01:58:00.000-05:00

New ears, New Walks,

2006-07-31T13:26:00.000-05:00

Walking my dog with hearing aids up

I love the sound of:

Ayla’s nails tapping on the sidewalk

Car tires on hot asphalt

Leaves rushing in the wind

Hot construction workers banging, digging, whistling

Airplane engines roaring above

Doors slamming shut

Doors opening

People passing

Sounds of their shoes

Movement through new

Ears

Beautiful dog

WHAT???

2006-07-31T10:12:00.000-05:00

Wrong numbers on a cell phone, or any phone
Are really fun for the DEAF

Hello?
this is ?????????
What?????????
thhasdfhjhf?????
HUH?
hsjdhfjksdhfjhkfjh???????
Who do you want to talk to?
lakjsflkjdlfghg?????
Ok, can you spell that?
laksjdlfjlhg;la?????
Sigh, (what in the hell did they just say?)

I think you have the wrong number.
Ok thank you.

Why could I understand the thank you?

OOOOOOOOWWWWEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-07-31T10:03:00.000-05:00

Since my new living arrangements
I am sleeping on the floor on a little mat
In an 8X8 room
Packed with all the things I feel I need
Huge, floor to ceiling office armoire with my computer wires
Harey Carey
One antique vanity with mirror
One tall nightstand with TV
Tons of stuff everywhere
I love order
Got No ORDER

That leaves approximately an 6X4 area
For sleeping, walking, sitting

Oh yea
An office chair

MY BACK IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GAY WAY

2006-07-29T17:57:00.000-05:00

You know people,
Or rather
Single people, in general
Tend to hand out their most precious gift
Intimacy
Fairly, readily

I
Have always felt great pride in the
"I always go home alone"
Motto

Sometimes,
I wonder what it would be like and
I don't always find favor with those who don't want to hear my
Intimacy lectures

Especially at 2AM, body filled with liquor,

Eyes with
Candy,

And ears with
Erotica

I met B,
Awesome Libra
We talked about art and culture
Somehow, the intimacy subject was inevitably broached
(It was getting close to 2AM in a gay men’s bar)
How refreshing to see the comprehension,
Talk, spiritually with a gay man
And
AGREE

That's when he offered me the gift
Mental intimacy

He hasn't had sex, since his lover of 17 years passed away in January
And,
So much more
Thanks B!!!
You touched me with your honesty and openness
You touched me with that beautiful Libran soul
But most of all
YOU TOUCHED ME
And
NOT WITH HANDS

Hanging in Hi's and Low's

2006-07-29T17:53:00.000-05:00

SWING HI

SWEET MARRIONETTE

AND

LOW

LOW

LOW

DAMN THESE HI'S

AND

OH

SO

LOW'S

THE SLIGHTEST

THING

FLOODS ME WITH
JOY
OR
PAIN

THIS ROLLERCOASTER NEEDS TO SERVE SOME
HORMONE PILLS

Thanks

2006-07-29T17:52:00.000-05:00

To all those who have given me windows through their words,

THANKS

Blog depression has been setting in.

Blue Monday

2006-07-29T10:34:00.000-05:00

I am in BLOGGER BLUES

It has come to my attention,

Not many left

and those that are....

POST SOMETHING

DAMN IT!!!

I KEEP CHECKING

FOR THE NEW.

Post almost never....

UGH

I'm CRAZY, FOR FEELING SO BLUE

2006-07-28T09:25:00.000-05:00

This is the second time I am posting words from

OM
http://threedsdeltadawn.blogspot.com/2006/07/healing-sea.html

Every day I get one,

Always where I am AT

Here is the message,

July 28, 2006

Losing It

You Are Not Crazy

Most of us feel a little crazy from time to time. Periods of high stress can make us feel like we're losing it, as can being surrounded by people whose values are very different from our own. Losing a significant relationship and moving into a new life situation are other events that can cause us to feel off kilter. Circumstances like these recur in our lives, and they naturally affect our mental stability. The symptoms of our state of mind can range from having no recollection of putting our car keys where we eventually find them, to wondering if we're seeing things clearly when everyone around us seems to be in denial of what's going on right in front of their eyes. For most of us, the key to survival at times like these is to step back, take a deep breath, and regain our composure. Then we can decide what course of action to take.

Sometimes a time-out does the trick. We take a day off from whatever is making us feel crazy and, like magic, we feel in our right mind again. Talking to an objective friend can also help. We begin to see what it is about the situation that destabilizes us, and we can make changes from there. At other times, if the situation is particularly sticky, we may need to seek professional help. Meeting with someone who understands the way the human mind reacts to stress, loss, and difficulty can make us feel less alone and more supported. A therapist or a spiritual counselor can give us techniques that help bring us back to a sane state of mind so that we can affect useful changes. They can also mirror our basic goodness, helping us to see that we are actually okay.

The main purpose of the wake-up call that feeling crazy provides is to let us know that something in our lives is out of balance. Confirm for yourself that you are capable of creating a sane and peaceful reality for yourself. Try to remember that most people have felt, at one time or another, that they are losing it. You deserve a life that helps you thrive. Try and take some steps today to help you achieve more balance and a little less crazy.
http://www.dailyom.com/

TEXAS, OIL, HEAT

2006-07-27T02:46:00.000-05:00

I am trying to get dressed for some fun time

At the JAMBOREE,

My kids are grown,
and I don't remember that
when they were younger.

My sis and I are taking her 6 mth old
PRECIOUS LITTLE SQUEEK.

God she is adorable,

Anyway...

to the Jamboree

What to wear?

I have the pants on

can I come without a SHIRT?

Man with this Texas HEAT

Not A SINGLE one, looks cool.
And I am not Talking
Fashionable,
I mean,
COOL
Like I nead some ice poured over me
Cool

Guess, my ultra-conservative sis,
Is in for a treat
HAHAHAHHHAHHAHHAAHHA

GIVE ME AIR

Strange

2006-07-27T02:37:00.000-05:00

Do your lights pulse?
Look up and they aren't

Stare...

still nothing

look away

Pulse
Pulse

Have you closed a cabinet
Came back
It's opened

Kind of Freaky
Never have really lived alone
until NOW

It is totally
TRIPPING ME OUT!!!

There it goes again

DAMN

N0
more
thrillers

except
maybe
the
bathtub

no....
it's
pulsing
TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2006-07-27T01:42:00.000-05:00

How

Heavy

Can

I

Be?

Before

I sink?

He told her things

I'll
Never hear,

But from lips

I own.

Jealous,
I
Can't taste that Breath

You are
Fortunate

Memories
Of Flowers

A father held,
Holds
You

DEAR

It must be sweet

I am my own parent
And
Branded
Pretty
And
DUMB

OOOOOOWWWW

When can I call?
Upon
My mother

Father?

I feel
As an
Orphan

Lost

At sea

High
Tides

How they
Swallow me

Sink
Me

I
Know these words seem bitter
As
Others
TOO

I
MISS
Having

What I have
Always
TRIED
TO
GIVE

The soft breast
Of the Robin's
MOTHER

AND THE STRENGTH
AND
COMFORT
OF
A FATHER

Some wonder
If
It’s
Better
Not to know

I
Just
Want
To
Not parent

And feel the comfort

THE SAFETY

THE
SUBLIME

Held,
Revered,
Know

Someone
Anyone,
Finds
ME

SPECIAL

bEYOND
tHE bEAUTY

pAST

THAT

WILL

NEVER

LAST!!!

Michele, My BELLE, Nicole (of Songs untold), John-John, Da Da, Olie Bolie,MOM, child you are, G-MA of all butches BORN, Thom Boy 1st

2006-07-27T01:32:00.000-05:00

The words I heard the other night
They hurt
Hurt
Hurt
To my core

I listened to someone tonight
Blood-tied

Damn if she doesn’t
Feel
As
I

She wants to be beautiful
I
Smart

We are fools
We can’t see

The
Sea
Of truth,

We have them both

Just believed the fool

(‘s)

I am
And
You are

All

I listened and watched her tears
Sobbing
My own cries

BRAIN
WASHED!!!

Can’t we ever
See
The sea

A hurt that
BIG

Should fill
The oceans
Earth-wide

I’ll not ly
Down

Nor
Will
See
Thee

Power...
Our
WOMAN-POWER

Such as it would be

The bum

The
Child

Mother
Brother
Son
Father
Daughter
Bum

Connections
Unfathomable

Touches

Caress

Bon Voyage, My Espesially beautiful SIS

2006-07-27T01:15:00.000-05:00

Where’s your Totem
Girl

Cherokee
Warrioress

Sister Lost

Repair the Reaper.

Moons Ago
A Visit to
The temple

Always so
Close

In our Far Away
Cries

Child you were
I Still SEE

Lost
Soul

Shirts
To
Bums

A bleeding
Heart

Heart
A’ Bleeding

Foreign Masses
Ancient
Words
Dead
For
All in sickness

Lies
In
Your
Head

Despair

Death
Beyond
Repair

Within
Your
Power

This
Hour

Cherokee
Warrior’ess

Head
Hold
High

My
Beautiful
Nugget

We
Call
You
Back

Nugget
The family
And
I

Savahnna
Beckons
Calls in the wintry
Air
Of deaths cold
Grasp

Mixed
And
Scrambled
The
Mind

Pass
Away
The
Unforgivable
Into the tepid
Fire

Not to let them
Last,
Last,
You are not the PAST

Future
Hope
Awake
In my
Kindred
Spirit

Call upon
From
High
Above
Montana’s
Mountainsides

Hawaii’s
Volcanic
Sides

The love I have
In breast
Abide

Heave
Ho

Demons
Go

I’ll not bury
Another
Sis

In my arms
Her slumber
Forever

Not you
Too
Endlessly

You’ll
Bury
Me first

Take care,
The unfathomable love
That crest you hold
Small

Not to wake
This sour hour

Is to take
The river’s
I cry
Till
Deserts
Are soaked
In the blood
Of my tears

And drown the shores
Of
Ocean’s Wide

I cry for
You

I cry
As your Mother
Your sister

Longing
Craving
Singing
Tears,
Of burying

This
Decadent
Hour.

I love
You
Sis

And
I miss
The…
All

ODE TO RHONDA

2006-07-26T17:54:00.000-05:00

YOU KNOW,

I JUST REALIZED,

I HAVE BEEN ON BOTH SIDES

OF TEARS.

BEACHES,

WIND BENEATH

MY

WINGS,

FIRST TIME I SOBBED
IN FRONT OF OLIE BOLIE

WE HEARD THE SONG TOGETHER
PEOPLE IN GROCERY STORE PARKING LOT
AND HE

THOUGHT I WAS INSANE.

I HAD A LITTLE SISTER

AQUARIOUS

WE WERE CLOSE
I WAS OLDER

WE WERE OF A SEED
APART

ALONE
IN OUR ISOLATION

IN OUR OWN WORLD

WE HAD A LANGUAGE
I STILL
HEAR

IN MY DREAMS

I WAS

DEE DEE

SHE WAS

DAA DAA

SHE DIED

TOOK A
BIG
BIG
BIG

PIECE OF ME

WITH HER

SHE WAS THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS

AND I NOW KNOW

WHAT BEING THE WIND

BENEATH

ANOTHERS

WINGS

FEELS

LIKE

SO

WE WILL

FLY

FLY

FLY

WITH...

I am Just A SLIPPIN, SLIPPIN...AWAY

2006-07-26T08:21:00.000-05:00

Well,
I thought,

After the past nights
Debauchery
I should get on the
Scale

Not grow
Them,
I think they naturally form
On Pisces

But
An ACTUAL SCALE

I close my eyes
Look
Down

What do you know?
I've lost almost
10 LBS
In about two weeks

YIPEEEEE

OR

MAYBE

NOT

IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG,

WITH ME?

It LOOKS LIKE I MADE IT!!!

2006-07-26T07:28:00.000-05:00

I really thought I had did it yesterday.
My post,
more than I have done in a year.

Thought I had poisened my body,
and someone would find me today.

I made it!!

Last time,

getting to old to
drown
sorrows
which will not leave

I think I trully
know
the HARD Stuff

Not for me

I'll drink some wine
and an occassional beer

but Vodka
My dear friend
Full of fun memories
and Embarrassing times.

You gotta
GO!!

IN WINE, I WHINE

2006-07-25T01:40:00.000-05:00

I

TOOK
A

NAP.

WOKE

UP...............

MORE

WINE?

AND UP

UP
UP

IN

A STUPOR

ANGST

SIGH

I

WOULD

WALK

WHEN OTHERS

SLEEP

SLEEP

THROUGH LIFE

IS IT ME?

YOU?

I

SIT

MORE

STUPID

THAN

I"LL

EVER

THINK

OF ME,

YOU

BRANDED

ME.

A SON,

DAUGHTER

GOD

FORBID

SAW

AND

MACE

KINDRED

SOUL

I

AM

I

AM

I

AM

ENLIGHTENMENT

2006-07-25T01:35:00.000-05:00

TOLD
TONIGHT

I

CAN
NEVER
CATCH

THE
BRAIN

MACHINE

OH

WHAT
A
LIE

I

LIE
AMONGST

SHADOWS

FATHER

HUSBAND

CHILD

I'LL

ALWAYS

WONDER

I'LL

ALWAYS

BE

BE

LEAVE

HONEST

LY

I

LAY

IN

EMBRACES

POWER

ONLY

I

SEE

Wind Beneath My Wings Lyrics

2006-07-25T01:02:00.000-05:00

Ohhhh, oh, oh, oh, ohhh.
It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that's your way.
You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strain.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you're my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

It might have appeared to go unnoticed,
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth, of course I know it.
I would be nothing without you.

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings.

Did I ever tell you you're my hero?
You're everything, everything I wish I could be.
Oh, and I, I could fly higher than an eagle,
for you are the wind beneath my wings,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings.

Oh, the wind beneath my wings.
You, you, you, you are the wind beneath my wings.
Fly, fly, fly away. You let me fly so high.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.
Oh, you, you, you, the wind beneath my wings.

Fly, fly, fly high against the sky,
so high I almost touch the sky.
Thank you, thank you,
thank God for you, the wind beneath my wings.

Lion's mane

2006-07-24T23:57:00.000-05:00

Run like a race for family

When you hear like you're alone

The rusted gears of morning

To faceless busy phones

We gladly run in circles

But the shape we meant to make

is gone...

Love is a tired symphony

To hum when you're awake

Love is a crying baby

Mama warned you not to shake

Love is the best sensation

Hiding in the lion's mane

So I'll clear the road,
the gravel

And the thornbush in your path

That burns a scented oil
That I'll drip into your bath

The water's there to warm you...
And the earth is warmer...

When you laugh...

Love is a scene
I render
When you catch me wide awake

Love's a dream you enter
Though I shake and shake
and shake you

Love is the best endeavor
Waiting in the lion's mane

ANGEL,

2006-07-24T23:32:00.000-05:00

Angel Lyrics
by Sarah Mclachlan

Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance

for a break that would make it okay

there's always one reason
to feel not good enough

and it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction

oh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins

let me be empty

and weightless
and maybe

I'll find some peace tonight

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here

from this dark cold
hotel room

and the endlessness
that you fear

you are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent
reverie

you're in the arms of the angel
may you find ...

some comfort there

so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn

there's vultures and thieves at your back

and the storm keeps on twisting...
you keep on building the lie

that you make up for all that you lack

it don't make no difference
escaping one last time

it's easier to believe

in this sweet madness

oh

this glorious sadness

that brings me to my knees

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here

from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear

you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie

you're in the arms of the angel

2006-07-24T23:18:00.000-05:00

MORE
SILENT

A
TRUE

RECANT

THERE

I STAND

HERE

I

GO

IN ARMS

PROPENSITY

HURT ME

2006-07-24T23:17:00.000-05:00

YOU
KNOW
YOU
CAN'T

You Suck

2006-07-24T23:07:00.000-05:00

I
Was told this night
This
Night you’ll
See

The same words
I Always
Thought
To be

Told
How
Meager
I will always
Be

Say this
Now
You fools
Will never
see

Remember
This
Thy truth to thee

To
Me
Through
Birth

I
Will
Sing
This
To thee

Cadence,

A rhythm

A
Pretence

Is but a
The measure

But a tense

Hear

The beat

In your
Sweet mind

Emptiness
In the wine

I’ll always
Pass

Your
Untimely
Tasks

Present

To
Remind

The
Past
Of
Thy

But a soliloquy

Now
My
Ever
Present

Friend

Furled
My brow
Soul
Recant

If
I ever

Thought the
Day

Would
Come
Savior

What would
May

I
Say

I
Am but
A dumb
Blonde

You stupid
Man

This song’s
BEEN

Unsung

I
Thought
Your words

Could
Not
This
Day
Cut

I remember
Now
The day’s mistook

My hand
Is still
Unfolding now

Amongst the
Trembling
Of my
Brow

I
Remember
Why
I left the sea

I
Remember
Who
Was
Lost
To
Me

I

Wonder

Witch
Cumbersome
Sow

I’m
So
dumb
If that will
Now

Welcome sighs
This
Night’s
A
Bliss

Never
Stole

A tempered
Kiss

DUMB BLONDE

2006-07-24T23:02:00.000-05:00

I remeber
now
why
I
left
the
sublime

Chef

2006-07-24T23:00:00.000-05:00

I am a gourmet chef.
I originally had other plans for the food I cooked last night,
Instead, I ended up feeding my daughter and her new boyfriend.
I have no leftovers, and that is a great compliment.
I watched as they devoured my Spicy, Cilantro, White Wine Reduction, cream sauce, with bits of Rhode Island Lobster and Carefully angle cut asparagus Over no fat low carb pasta. Fresh and sweet Atlantic salmon grilled to perfection and lemon butter glazed, grilled zucchini and red bell peppers. To accompany, there was fresh, steamed broccoli and portabella mushrooms cooked in a caramelized onion red wine glaze.
They brought bacon wrapped filet mignon, which they didn’t eat and baked potatoes that they took home with them. It fills a cook with pride, when your love is eaten with so much fervor.
I like this new boyfriend a lot. He is quiet and peaceful, but he has things to say.
He opens his mouth when intelligence beckons and lets my daughter pulse away.
Then interjects occasionally, to zone in and make her focus.
She needs this,
I think he does too.
It seems
They compliment each other.
I like that.
Good Luck Mejia

I have Found, This Weet Hour

2006-07-24T20:13:00.001-05:00

This Day
Sung its
Hour
Both
Zweet
Yet
Sour...

In my words
Always VAIN
in the heart
soul will
Strain

I know again
what heart
My thoughts
will
vow

oh
so sour

Became
this
Hour

Eqality
My
Def ers
Wrong
Deaf
Not
Dumb

Again
They
Will

never
Know

Me

Ode to ETTA James, she keeps me company tonight

2006-07-23T20:50:00.000-05:00

Fool That I Am lyrics
Artist - Etta James
Album - Her Best
Lyrics -

Fool That I Am
Fool that I am,For falling in love with you.
And, fool that I am,
For thinking you loved me, too.

You took my heart,
Then played the part of little coquette.
And, my dreams just disappeared
Like the smoke from a cigarette.

Fool that I am,
For hoping you'd understand.
And thinking youWould listen, too,
And, oh, the things I had planned.

But we couldn't see eye to eye
So, darling, darling, darling,
This is goodbye.
But I still care, but I still care,
And oh, fool that I am.
Oh, but I still care,
Fool that I am.

Welcome, A Dramatic Soliloquy

2006-07-22T10:42:00.001-05:00

Please welcome to the blog ring
A Dramatic Soliloquy!!!
She is a piece of me
And developing
Me
Her starlight will shine
Beyond my time
And her conscience,
Drive,
Philosopher
Mind,
Surpass
Mine
A wish and knowledge
Take what I have shown you
Words you love and hate,
Fly Like an Eagle,
Into your
BEAUTIFUL FATE

All Tangled Up

2006-07-20T20:53:00.000-05:00

I sit amidst the emptied boxes of Wires,
USB, CAT5, RJ47, Wires
Telephone Wires
Cable Wires
Too MANY WIRES

I chose to sort them
Like my life
Its mistakes,
Accomplishments

Every cord and cable a twisted mess in stacks of boxes,
Wires I don’t even know what they are for
Like my destinies and dreams
Like the wicked pain inside

Frustrated and determined
I sort the miscellaneous
Jumble of confusion
Within those boxes

Phones and alarm clocks
Wrapped around those Wires
The two things I hate the most
In life
My life

Time passes so quickly
Sometimes,
When your untangling wires

And far too slowly
When trapped and twisted
Within the mass
Of life’s entanglements

Funny how I chose this task first
Glad I did
Reconcile the painful
Tangled
Box of wires

The Healing Sea

2006-07-20T10:32:00.000-05:00

Each day I get an
OM
Someone showed me this
I signed up
Now every day that I look
The topic seems to personally relate
To me
Odd

Today’s
OM

http://www.dailyom.com/

July 20, 2006

Waves Of Healing

Ocean Meditation
Like us, the sea is ever-changing.
And, like us, the earth's vast oceans appear at a distance
to be stable and homogenous.
But beneath the mask of solidity
that both we and the sea wear,
there lies unpredictability, sensitivity, and power.
There is much we can learn from the ocean,
representative as it is of our inner landscapes.
The rough sounds of the sea's waves are spiritually soothing,
and its salt can purify our physical selves.
Yet not everyone has the luxury of living by the shore
or even visiting the coastlines where water and land meet.
The ocean, however, exists in our conscious minds,
put there by images we have seen and descriptions we have read.
Wherever we are,
we can access that mental image
and use it as the starting point
from which we can help to heal our emotions
by meditating on the sea.

2006-07-19T15:26:00.000-05:00

Chasing,
Not I
Always wondering
Head lost in the sky
Blue Eyes

Crisp,
Edges worn
Tattered
Torn
Heart Sworn

Chasing
Must I?
We Know
Why.

Iron And Wine

2006-07-17T15:29:00.000-05:00

I am sitting in my new room
Tiny little space
That will take some adjusting
Mourning the losses
Hung-over as all hell
Paralyzed by my mental weight
Downloading songs
I have an awesome little program
Hit genre and every artist name is searchable
I mean,
Every artist!!!
Well I’m in love with this artist sounds
Iron and Wine
I have the lyrics to one of my favorites below
And a link to the website
Garage born
Musical genius
Philosopher of the gritty streets.
Enjoy!!!

Jesus the mexican boy
Jesus the Mexican boy
Born in a truck on the fourth of July
gave me a card with a lady naked on the back
Barefoot at night on the road
Fireworks blooming above in the sky
I never knew I was given the best one from the deck

He never wanted nothing
I remembery
Maybe a broken bottle if I had two
Hanging behind his holy even temper
Hiding the more unholy things I do

Jesus the Mexican boy
Gave me a ride on the back of his bike
Out to the fair though I welched on a $5 bet
Drunk on Calliope songs
We met a home-wrecking carnival girl
He's never asked for a favor or the money yet

Jesus the Mexican boy
Born in a truck on the 4th of July
I fell in love with his sister unrepentantly
Fearing he wouldn't approve
We made a lie that was feeble at best
Boarded a train bound for Vegas and married secretly

I never him nothing I remember
Maybe a broken bottle if I had two
Hanging behind his holy even temper
Hiding the more unholy things I do

Jesus the Mexican boy
Wearing a long desert trip on his tie
Lo and behold he was standing under the welcome sign
Naked the Judas in me
Fell by the tracks but he lifted me high
Kissing my head like a brother and never asking why

[1] http://www.alwaysontherun.net/ironandwine.htm

Morton Salt

2006-07-17T12:24:00.000-05:00

When it rains...
I don't know which of the many
Cause the DOWNPOUR
In my EYES
A great friend and sweet soul is
Gone
I never had a chance to say
GOOD BYE
He died
ALONE
Without a friend
Estranged from the world
That had been his land
As well as
Centuries of HIS Ancestors,
Louisiana!!!
He was married to my Mom
Long AGO
Didn't have much in this world
But
That Big Heart
And
Innocent Smile
I can see you smiling
Barry.

quarter in the Juke Box

2006-07-17T10:01:00.000-05:00

Strange is the world of Me
I have been deaf most of my life
I thought I was just a quiet person
HAHA
Now I need to talk
Noone wants to hear
At times my pain needs to hear it's words
and then I speak
only to be told
SHUT
UP
You are depressing
Stay Positive
Or my most favorite
they gaze offf into some other shiny place
I am positive
I just sometimes have to speak
the unspeakable
To work it out
Sorry to all those
Who can't bear to hear
I need to learn
Take out the Damn Hearing Aids
And Understand
Silence

I KNOW I'M SAD AND SO DO YOU

2006-07-17T02:17:00.000-05:00

TREASURE
THIS
MY TRUSTY
FRIEND
SADNESS
LIES WITHIN THIS
LAND
THOUGHTS
PROVOKED
UNTIL
WITHDRAWN
LESSONS
LEARNED
AND
SOULS
UNBORN
I TELL YOU THIS
WITH SOLEMN VOW
A
HAPPY HAND
A
CALOUSED
BROW
UNTIL
THE NIGHTS
THOUGHTS PREVOKED
I THINK
MORE NOW
WITH
SOLEMN
BROW
A
KISS
WITHDRAWN
IT'S
NOT THE HOUR

EMTY BOTTLES

2006-07-17T02:11:00.000-05:00

EMPTY
BOTTLES
WE HAVE FOUND
AMONGST
THE REMENANTS
FRIENDSHIP
BOUND
A TOUCH OF WHISKEY
EASE THE PAIN
EMPTY SOULS
OUR WILL
REMAINS
THERE I STAND WITHIN
THE CROWD
EMPTY
BOTTLES
IN MY
HAND
HERE I WAS
AND
THERE
I
GO
AMONGST THE
EMPTY
BOTTLES
OF MY
SOUL

Galloping Gourmet

2006-07-10T22:16:00.000-05:00

I forgot how beautiful
I am,
A group of 4 precious little ones
Unveiled a past me,
lost
The longing screams
Mama, Mama
Hailed my heart
I realized it was me they called
A memory was jogged of 3D,
The Little Ones Pied Piper
A parade of starving mini mights following me down
A poverty stricken,
Racially repressed,
Parents missing
Town
Playing games and finding joy
Erasing the helpless reality
Of Violet, Louisiana.
I wondered why they came to pay homage to me so many years later.
I forgot,
Me.
Scalloped Potatoes.
They kept asking me about those potatoes 25 years later
With not a phone call or contact
To hold dear our connection.
Now I remember the games we played to appease their starving bellies.
Who has potatoes?
I do, I do!!
And can we find some cheese,
Who has some cheese?
We had to collect from several empty homes where they resided in force.
Milk?
Now we have a meal.
Strange how something so small
An action so lacking in complexity,
Shaped a town of children,
And
Me.

Selling my 300ZX

2006-06-11T19:53:00.000-05:00

I WILL BE POSTING PICS AFTER THIS AND SENDING THE LINK TO MY EBAY CUSTOMERS.
SO EACH PIC HAS TO COME SEPERATELY.
SORRY!!!

Vehicle Description
I ORIGINALLY BOUGHT THIS CAR ON EBAY WITH THE INTENTION TO RESTORE, OF COURSE I DIDN'T TAKE INTO ACCOUNT THE AMOUNT OF TOOLS I WOULD NEED, SO DUE TO A FINANCIAL CRUNCH I AM FORCED TO SELL YET ANOTHER FAVORITE PROJECT.
THE GUY I BOUGHT IT FROM SAID IT OVER HEATED AND THEY JUST LET IT SIT FOR YEARS.
I WENT UNDER THE HOOD AND CHANGED THE THERMOSTAT AND WHILE DOING THAT NOTICED THE RADIATOR HOSES WERE ALL CUT UP AND NO GOOD ANY MORE.
I CHANGED THE HOSES AND IT NO LONGER OVERHEATED, BUT IT WAS KNOCKING.
THE ENGINE HAS BEEN MOSTLY DISMANTLED, BUT I DIDN'T HAVE THE TOOLS, NOR THE MONEY TO COMPLETE THE OVERHAUL JOB.
THIS WILL MAKE AN EXCELLENT CAR WITH A LITTLE MECHANICAL WORK.
IT IS IN BEAUTIFUL CONDITION FOR IT'S AGE.
THE STEERING WHEEL HAS BOTH RADIO CONTROLS THAT WORK AND CRUISE CONTROL.
THE FRONT SEATS NEED RECOVERING BUT THE BACK IS BEAUTIFUL.
I TEST DROVE IT AFTER FIXING THE OVERHEATING PROBLEM AND THE GEARS ALL SHIFT.
THIS CAR HAS TO TRAILERED.

This is For Lex Luther

2006-05-11T18:27:00.000-05:00