Black to Black and Back

Tears keep falling

How do I find the words?

Where is the Light out of the Darkness?

I'm so angry, disappointed, angry, hurt, angry, hurt

ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need to find the way out of I

I this
I that
I is becoming a dirty word

3rd person would help if I could just get out of the I in things

Can someone who loves you......Me.....
Drive me to
oh never-mind that one...I for sure know that answer

In the darkness of where she's trying to lead me
I see the reason
and I really don't appreciate it
It's selfish

Black Black Twisted Eyes
Twisted us all
Can't walk in the room without seeing the twisting in the face of my Mom

What makes anyone think I need more twisting?

More like Un-Twisting
De-tangling and Beauty
Peals of Laughter I could not find till nearly 30

Smiles I've only recently learned

It's not the revelation it's the desire to pull me out of my Dreamer
When I'm seeking that to persevere that I resent

Black..Black Eyes of the Sociopath that raised me
You really think I need to relive that?
Really?

Just so I can stop being a sensual Dreamer?
That feels so sick to me

Feels like a Demolition Ball Cracking every essence of me

Black, Black Eyes
I'll only see in Nightmares

Go Away Little Child in Me
Go Away



*Afterthought:
What is it about me
That makes so many feel
They must erase me
To feel Whole?

I ponder that always

Something about who I am
is too much or not enough
or something....
and the more you remove me from Me
The greater desire to continue that battle
It must be so powerful
it keeps happening

Can't they see?
You only make me go Deeper
Down into the almost Blackness of the Sea
Far away and cold/safe
Maybe not safe
but numb

Till I can't find me...in my efforts to hide that self it seems you want to destroy

I am masterful at this..
don't they know?
I've been hiding and surviving since 2 1/2
Since the Monster married my mother
Since Nightmares were preferred over reality

Erased: hmmm: Yea I know it would be easier
But to survive a Sociopath you have to be crafty
You have to swim till nothing but the cold blackness
is what they'll find

Beyond The Sharks
Till the Sea is only Death
That No One can find

Rationally, I know I'm stinging and punching, you know the emotional punch
Words said that silence prying and painful things
The Guilt I feel for being me
It lives and breathes
way down deep away from even my eyes

I guess the Struggle out of the Blackness of me
Will take so much more strength
Then I thought

Can I find enough Love of Self
Un-Anchor my Death
Till Light and Shimmering Fairy's of Life
Breath Beauty back into my Tattered Self?